… since I’ve written anything new. There are several reasons for it: my work life exploded into a flurry of activity and deadlines. Also, I find it more difficult to write when my own mind isn’t quiet and it’s been that way for a long time.
I sometimes fear I’m becoming vanilla.as my thoughts and wondering aren’t about D/s much anymore I’m not sure why that is. My HMB and I are happy… content… settled. The big frustration for us is not finding enough time to spend quality time together and yet it is something that isn’t causing a rift between us; it’s just a matter of us against IT.
It was the 3rd anniversary of the King’s death and birthday without Him present. I find that HBM pulls away at that time. It is a time of reflection. There is a saying in my language which, translated, roughly means: The death of one’s ensures the daily bread of another. I think it has truth to it, and however much that truth feels like betrayal, it isn’t. I believe this. I also realized that I can’t discuss my feelings on the King at all. Not because I’m scared of them or anyone’s reactions to them, but simply because I don’t seem to have them. Feelings, that is. I’m not sure why that is but I think that, until I can quiet my mind from work things, i won’t find those feelings.
I think I’ll come back to write some more soon. I’m finding that I suddenly have a desire for this sanctuary again.
An Alternative Road to Happiness 