Another post from my BDSM Library blog of years ago. This post is from August 2013. Read more here.
I love traveling.
O.K. I am not the most wold-weary traveller. In fact, I am still excited at each new airport and every aeroplane meal.
It didn’t take me long to notice a few things: Not all suitcases are created equal. Seeing the suitcases going around and around, waiting to be claimed, it gives a glimpse into the lives of the other travellers.
Of course, one of the certainties of airport life is that despite the label on your bag, whether it be Samsonite or Cellini or some generic make, it will be weighed. I still get that breathless feeling inside when I think of those moments of doubt right before lifting the bag onto the conveyor belt to be weighed. Did I pack correctly? Would it be over? No surely not? And if you are… you better know you will pay for it and at R14=€1 it hurts badly to hand over the piece of plastic to atone for the sin of excess baggage.
I remember when we were getting on a smallish plane that would take us from Gardemoen in Norway to Amsterdam, the three suitcases sitting on the tarmac beside the plane. It’s a small airport so we walked out from the building and the three solitary smallish cases were a clear message…THIS is what happens when people don’t “get it right”.
Imagine sitting in the plane and knowing every person boarding sees your bag…judges it… (it’s not Samsonite after all) and then judging you.
Does anyone ask how much time you spent to pack it right? That you perhaps had a very special gift for a loved one inside?
No. Its excess baggage. It gets judged simply because it IS.
Of course you never stop and think of the others walking past and saying to themselves: Oh I have been there before! Poor passenger, I hope she gets her luggage back without trouble. No, you are never as kind as that to yourself.
It is EXCESS. Extra. Surplus. Left over. Horrible. Terrible. You should be ashamed of yourself. Don’t you know the rules? Common sense is not so common, is it? Have you checked the risks involved in what you did? Perhaps you deserved it!
When I was younger, I prided myself on not having a life filled with baggage. But I have lived long enough not to have those delusions of grandeur anymore. Recently I realised that some of this year’s bad experiences lands me in the Excess Baggage category. Your internal dialogue is an enemy. Telling yourself over and over you deserve this even when you know in your mind it isn’t the truth.
So this weekend, I allowed another close enough to look and see me. I didn’t hide even the excess baggage. I owned it. Every single lesson I learned, every stupid decision made…
I was breathless with fear, knowing I could be judged harshly and this person would have every right to throw those judgements before my feet.
And He looked. And I held my breath.
Then He smiled at me. And told me how beautiful my submission is in His eyes; praised me; made me blush.
…and took my breath away.